How To Complete Your Education While Raising Small Children
Raising children is stressful enough. Raising children and attending college is almost unthinkable, but it is possible. I had a 3-month-old daughter and 1-year-old son when I decided to go back to school and complete my first masters degree. Money was scarce and I was nursing my daughter who refused to drink from bottles. Fortunately, my then husband and mother could baby sit nearly all the time.
After completing my first masters degree, my husband and I divorced, I began working full-time as a social worker and attended graduate school full-time as a doctoral student. My children were 3 and 4 years old, and it was difficult caring for them, working, and going to school at the same time. Consequently, it was imperative for me to simplify my life. My mother begged me to drop out of school. She said, “Sandy those colleges are made of brick and stone and they will exist when you are dead and gone, but your children will all be small for a short period in your life. Go back to school when your children are in school full-time.”
I contemplated my mother’s advice. The only problem was that I was earning twenty one thousand dollars a year with a masters degree as a social worker. I was struggling to make ends meet and sleeping with a married man 38 years my senior. I hated myself and my financial situation. I prayed to God to give me a sign or suggestion of whether or not I should drop out of graduate school. The next day in my Saturday, morning Educational Sociology class the professor was late and a fellow classmate and I struck up a conversation about our family, school and work schedule.
The class mate was a dark complexioned, middle-aged, African American woman, who physically reminded me of myself. I told her what my mother had said about dropping out of school until my children were older and that I was seriously thinking about quitting graduate school. The class mate told me, “I disagree with your mother, but the decision is yours. I think it is best to remain in school while your children are young because all they need is a dry pamper, food, love and someone to play with them. It doesn’t always have to be you to fill their needs. When children are young their needs are simple. Your children will need you more as they get older because they will be involved in more activities and their lives will become more complex. Your children aren’t going to remember who changed their pamper; but they will never forget or forgive you for not being present for dance recitals, little league games or their first school play.”
I never saw this woman again but because of her, I decided to remain in school. I am very close to both of my children and I was able to take my daughter to ballet and my son to his martial arts class. I am grateful that I have the resources to take care of myself and my children.
Here are tips that can help you accomplish your educational goal. These tips allowed me to complete two master degrees and a doctorate while maintaining most of my sanity.
WARNING: This is not going to be an easy task. Most days, you will be exhausted, on the verge of break down and wanting to give up. Undoubtedly, you will cry yourself to sleep some nights. But if you are passionate about getting an education, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
1. Failing to plan is planning to fail. First and foremost develop a plan. Before entering college, talk to an academic advisor, find out exactly what classes you will need to complete your education, when the classes will be offered, roughly how long it will take you to graduate as a full-time or part-time student. Obtain information about deadline for financial aid and the contact name of any person who is qualified to help you fill out the forms. Once you have mapped out your strategy, you are ready to seek out other resources among family and friends.
2. Locate a baby-sitter who is reliable, but obtain backup nevertheless. Seek out other mothers at the college. Compare schedules. Develop a plan to watch
Locate a drop-in day care where you pay an hourly fee for each child. The fee for my two children together ranged from $6 to $8 an hour. Based on my course load and class frequency, I usually paid $25 per week for child care when my family was unavailable. If there is no program like this in your community, create one. This is a valuable asset for single mothers.
Do not over look teenage family members and neighbors who are mature and responsible.
3. In planning your curriculum, try not to overload your schedule with difficult or demanding classes. Mix difficult classes with easy ones or independent studies (courses you arrange to study with a professor outside the classroom. The meetings are arranges by the professor and student).
4. As a parent of young children who are frequently sick with minor colds, pink eye, ear infections, etc.., you do not have the luxury of procrastinating. Look at your syllabi for all of your classes and mark the due dates for of all your projects, exams, quizzes research papers, and presentations. Give yourself a new due date that is one to two weeks in advance of your professors due date. Work diligently on your projects as if your date is the real date that assignments are due. When you finish early keep the assignment in a folder. This strategy was my saving grace as a single mother and full-time employee and graduate student. In the event that you can not find child care or your child becomes ill, you are on top of your game.
5. Utilize your time appropriately. How does one manage to work and go to school full-time: Personally, I was not in the habit of coming home and turning on the television or getting on the telephone. If you have a favorite show, watch it, but don’t idle in front of the TV. Schedule time on Saturday and Sunday to chit-chat with family and friends. Don’t forget to pencil in time for yourself and your children.
6. Sleep when the children are asleep, study when the children are playing, contentedly. I studied for many exams while nursing my baby. Determine who and what is important to you and delete the excess from your life.
7. Organize your home to accommodate your lifestyle. I wanted my home to look chick, but it wasn’t convenient for me. Put blankets, toys, potties and any other items in the living room where you can watch the children and study. Buy comfortable, inexpensive clothes that do not require ironing or dry cleaning.
8. Cook one pot meals for the week, and order pizza on the weekend. Plan your meals ahead of time and cook enough for leftovers.
9. Fix your hair in an easy-to-care-for, low maintenance style such as a ponytail or short hairdo.
10. Pick one day during the week to clean up and do laundry. When you finish using something, put it away immediately. This habit will save you tons of work down the road. I learned this the hard way. Don’t do unnecessary chores especially during crunch time.
11. Learn to prioritize based on long-term goals. Studying for major exams and preparing research papers can be grueling. It goes without saying; attend to the needs of your children first.
a. Always do something physical with your children such as taking them to the park, running around outside, making snowmen or sand castles, going for a walk, or playing a game. Spending quality one-on-one time with your children has three purposes: one, it will alleviate any guilty feelings of not being a good parent when you are studying; two, it is physically and psychologically healthy for your child; and three, your child is more likely to give you the time you need when they feel loved and secure that there needs are being met.
12. When possible take the children with you to the library to do light research. Pack activities, a blanket and healthy snacks in a duffel bag. Sit in an area that is “noisy” or isolated from others.
13. The greatest gift
14. Do whatever you have to do to complete your education. Pace yourself. Stay focused. Every chapter, test and assignment completed draws you closer to your goal. Yes, indeed, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The big picture is overwhelming, but bear in mind, the big picture is made up of tiny accomplishments. Accomplish your goal one step at a time. Know that it is possible.
Dr. Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, is a mother of two teenagers, a full-time psychology instructor, advice columnists for Today’s Black Woman Magazine, Seminar facilitator, author of “A Woman’s Soul on Paper” ISBN: 0595171435; The Illusion of Beauty: Why Women Hate Themselves & Envy Other Women; Men Interviewed Tell: 101 Things Women do to Turn Men Off; Success & Beauty is an Attitude: A Woman’s Guide to Academic and Life achievement. Dr. Sturges is the author and publisher of Authentik Beauty Magazine. A 1 year subscription to Authentik Beauty Magazine is only $25.00 for 6 issues; mail request to: Authentik Beauty Newsmag, P.O. Box 980679, Ypsilanti, MI 48197. Caution: Articles and clip art are sensuously and beautifully designed for a mature audience only. We accept cash, checks & all major credit cards. Email: authentikbeauty@yahoo.com, visit my website at http://www.authentikbeauty.net
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Tags: parenting, raising children, school, toddler
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